word hunt

Words so often keep me company, whether I'm reading or writing them.  I like the idea of selecting one- my specially chosen companion- to travel with me.  It makes me want to pack a bag, full of expectations and maps, and escape into the open, ready for adventure.

In 2013 I was the chosen one.  There were several words jostling for my attention, each wanting to claim me for its own purposes.  Not surprisingly, strength overpowered the others.  Though battle weary, she did not arrive empty handed.  She brought with her a close cousin: endurance.  The gift of strength has meant that I've carried on, when others might have given up.  I have stood my ground and overcome more than I would have thought possible.  I will continue to persevere, despite the odds being against me.  

Sometimes doubts surface.  Though I have a goal, and put a lot of energy into achieving it, the end result isn't entirely up to me.  What if I fail?  Over the next year I need to be quick witted, but not coldly logical.  Somehow I need to harmonize my head and heart.  Eventually I'll have to accept the outcome and cut my losses if necessary.  What word would I like to accompany me on that day?

{bravery}

2014 will involve more court hearings.  I've already had six.  Each time has been traumatic for different reasons.  I do not understand or agree with family law proceedings here.  The first thing my (female) solicitor told me was, "Judges don't like women."  Nor do they like foreigners or people of color or people with facial piercings or anyone outside the conservative norm.  I find myself trapped in a system where prejudice is accepted and contradictions abound.  I've questioned where is the justice?  This is a game I'd rather not play, but have no choice.  I do not enjoy having my character slammed or having to defend myself against false accusations.  I am not a criminal; my family has simply broken down.  All I want is to be free and move on, to find peace in my own way.  

It is a challenge to maintain my dignity, when it would be easier to retaliate; it is hard to stay positive, when it would be easier to entertain bitterness.

If I can be brave, that will mean I'm truly facing into the future.  I'm reminded of a childhood song we used to sing at camp called "The Bear Hunt".  

you can't go under it, 

you can't go over it,

you've got to go through it...

I just need to keep going.  Dive in.  Start swimming.  And all the while continue singing

I'm not afraid...

This post was part of Reverb 13:

What word did you select to be your travelling companion in 2013? What gifts did this word bring?  What word will you choose to guide you through 2014? What do you hope it will bring into your life?

{Photo credit}  You’re braver than you believe, a photo by CelebrateQuotes on Flickr.